My mum and suicide

It's Mother's Day here in the UK, and a day that is really very hard for me. My mum died when I was 18, you see, and even now, 15 years on, I still miss her and wish that today of all days, I could spend some time with her. Thing is, I'm not even sure how we'd spend the day, I didn't know her as an adult. I can only imagine that I'd have bought her some flowers and we'd probably go for lunch somewhere and we'd talk about things, like how my baby son, Franz, cries all night [...]

By |2016-12-29T13:32:05+01:0015 March 2015|

Hey! Are you really listening?

I spent Monday afternoon with my friend, Simon. We watched the film, Wild. It was pretty fucking awesome and made me want to don a pair of hiking boots and walk 3000 miles along the Pacific Crest Trail. Don't you just love it when a film moves you in that way? We get a lot of stares when we walk into the cinema. I guess people wonder how a guy who is blind and wearing hearing aids manages to watch and hear a film. You know how? He listens. L.I.S.T.E.N.S. Intently. Leaning forward. Perched-on-the-edge-of-his-seat kind of listening. I asked him exactly how he [...]

By |2016-12-29T13:32:05+01:005 February 2015|

Good-bye

I’ve never really been good at good-byes. I’ve also never really figured out what is so good about byes. I know deep in my heart that the reason I don’t like saying good-bye is because I didn’t get the chance to say good-bye to my mum before she died. And since then, I’ve avoided them. Even at parties, especially the really busy ones, I just up and leave. I hate the rigmarole of going round the room, making gestures over the loud music that I’m going. I don’t like making a fuss. I prefer to just go, to slip away. Leaving like this is easy. [...]

By |2016-12-29T13:32:05+01:0028 January 2015|

The reason your resolutions are already off track

Ok, so put your hand up if the resolutions you made for the new year are already going to pot. Hand up? Yup, you're not alone. Over the years, I've found that the resolutions I've made for myself rarely last. Mainly because they are powered by willpower. And willpower runs out pretty quickly. Willpower runs out so quickly in fact, that this is one of the sole reasons gyms make so much money. Think about it, if every single person who signs up for a gym membership in January actually goes to the gym 4 times a week as they intend to on January 1st, gyms would [...]

By |2016-12-29T13:32:05+01:009 January 2015|

Meaning

You were born free, you know. You just arrived in the world one day - all naked and raw-minded - slowly growing, day-by-day, in size and height and opinions and thoughts and beliefs and desires. Remember when you were 2 and just said what you thought? I wonder what life would be like if we were all a little more honest and real with each other? And with ourselves. Being honest and real with yourself is so fucking important. Do you feel like you’re always looking for something, waiting for something to make sense in your life? Do you often wonder, “Why am [...]

By |2016-12-29T13:32:05+01:0025 December 2014|

How to know exactly what you want for 2015

I've been thinking a lot about 2015 over the last few days. I've been thinking about what I want from the year ahead - how I want to feel - and what I absolutely want to achieve, and I'm guessing you have too, right? Often, on the cusp of the New Year, we start with a list of goals, a bucket list, or resolutions, and, well, while I know that goal-setting and bucket lists and resolutions can be incredibly powerful (and have personally helped me to make some HUGE life changes), I also know that sometimes we don't even know what we want or [...]

By |2016-12-29T13:32:05+01:0020 December 2014|

Your rules

If you're waiting for someone to come along and hand you a golden key that will gently unlock the door to your dream job, you're going to be waiting a long time. There is no golden key, you know. But there's still a door, and you're going to have to hammer it down with emails and letters and phone calls to land that job (as well as a strong self-belief that you can nail anything and everything you put your mind to). Because you can. You have hundreds of words inside your mind and if you let go a little, [...]

By |2014-12-08T12:44:12+01:0010 December 2014|

Should, should, should

With the close of the year bounding towards us in a blur of twinkling lights and too many glasses of red wine, it's easy to start looking back over 2014 and doing a whole load of 'shoulding'. You know, "I should have left my job", or "I should have told him", or "I should have said no", or "I should have started going to the gym way back in February when I said I would". Sigh. I feel you. I've been doing some shoulding over the last few days too. We all do it. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes a little bit. Sometimes so [...]

By |2014-12-04T17:23:17+01:004 December 2014|

How to have a better day when you’re feeling a bit shit

We all have shit days. We do. They sneak up on us without warning - sometimes without any solid rhyme or reason - knocking us sideways into the funk of all funks. We suddenly lose all motivation for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, we sulk, we judge others (and ourselves), and we let our feelings lead us, by the scruff of our necks, when making decisions - which, in my experience - never amounts to anything good. You know that feeling when you really wish you could turn back time, to that moment when you said that really stupid, dramatic thing to [...]

By |2016-12-29T13:32:05+01:0027 November 2014|

When was the last time you gave your brain a break?

"Don't forget to take it easy from time-to-time." My friend emailed yesterday, and that was her parting line to me. It stopped me in my tracks and I couldn't help but to read her words over and over. Take it easy. From time-to-time. Hmmm. It's safe to say that I'm physically taking it easy at the moment. A painful, and incredibly tight piriformis muscle has put paid to that. I can't do anything about it, other than to rest. And stretch. I'm constantly streeeeeetching. I am being very deliberate about taking it easy, physically. I have learnt, from past mistakes, that running through an [...]

By |2016-12-29T13:32:07+01:001 July 2013|