People often ask me things like, “Why can’t I get my shit together to do things I know will be good for me, Liz?”

Or, as my friend Emma once questioned, “Why do humans put what they love to do—and actually want to do—as a lower priority to what we don’t love to do, like work and cleaning?”

I’ve been thinking about these questions recently. I wrote something last year about how we humans have a tendency to avoid doing things that are good for us because we’re conditioned, on a really basic level, to go after pleasure and avoid pain. Things that are good for us, such as eating healthier, exercising daily, finding a career or job that we enjoy, experiencing deep connection, trust and closeness in our relationships, can, in the short-term, create emotional and physical pain within us that we’re wired to AVOID, AVOID, AVOID.

On top of this, another reason we avoid doing things that are good for us is because, if, for example, we start prioritising eating healthier food over processed junk food, it means we might also have to realise that we could be prioritising changes in other areas of our lives AND, GAH! CHANGE IS SHIT SCARY. And because change is shit scary, we continue doing the same stuff we always do because this way, change cannot occur.

I like to call this the Pursuit of Crappiness.

Think about this for a moment. Think about something you’re avoiding doing in your life right now. Maybe you’re avoiding changing your job, or putting savings aside each month or taking 6 months out to go travelling. It could be even smaller things you’re avoiding, like really committing to an exercise routine or changing your hairstyle or saying no more instead of yes or yes more instead of no. If you were to stop avoiding it, what would it take for you to do so? What will you have to do/give up/start doing/commit to?

I’m guessing thinking about all of this brings up some discomfort for you, right?

Changing creates discomfort because it means we have to take full responsibility for our behaviour and what we say and how we show up in our lives. It also means we have to actually commit and do the things that we say we’re going to do.

And secretly (or perhaps not so secretly), no-one really likes taking responsibility and committing, do they? Blaming others, making excuses, complaining about how unfair everything is, sitting on the sofa and eating pizza while moaning about our weight and waiting for someone else to fix or change something in our lives is far more appealing and easy, right? Because we don’t actually have to do anything.

All in all, there’s something massively appealing about not changing.

And this is why we pursue crappiness. Because crappy lives are much safer, and nice and more comfortable to live than non-crappy ones.

Why?

Because living a non-crappy life means owning your own shit instead of looking around for someone to blame.

Because living a non-crappy life means putting your hands up and admitting you were wrong instead of looking around for someone else to blame.

Because living a non-crappy life means giving things a go and possibly failing and fucking up as a result.

Because living a non-crappy life means not doing what everyone else thinks you should do; your parents, your partner, your friends, your boss, the media.

Because living a non-crappy life means going against the status quo and being potentially being judged for it.

Because living a non-crappy life means doing shit that scares you.

Because living a non-crappy life means really trying.

Because living a non-crappy life means allowing yourself to be shit at things.

Because living a non-crappy life means choosing freedom over being right.

Because living a non-crappy life means less complaining and more doing.

Because living a non-crappy life means accepting instead of judging.

Because living a non-crappy life means having to communicate, instead of being resentful, passive aggressive or sarcastic.

Because living a non-crappy life means giving up the victim role and taking responsibility for your choices.

Because living a non-crappy life means not running your mouth off and shooting from the hip the minute a tricky situation goes down.

Because living a non-crappy life means loosening your grip on the past.

Because living a non-crappy life means giving yourself permission instead of waiting for someone else to say it’s ok.

Because living a non-crappy life means finding some form of acceptance for those who disappointed and wronged you.

Because living a non-crappy life means saying sorry.

Because living a non-crappy life means disappointing people.

Because living a non-crappy life means putting yourself first more often, and making your own emotional and physical needs a priority.

Because living a non-crappy life means letting go of your unwavering need for certainty.

Because living a non-crappy life means taking more risks.

Because living a non-crappy life means admitting it’s not that you “can’t”, it’s that you “won’t”.

And who the fuck wants to do any of that?

I’m travelling to the UK in October, to host my last 2016 group coaching workshop. Want in? Grab your space here.