7 REASONS

I AM NOT THE COACH
FOR YOU

I get a lot of messages from people trying to work out what kind of coach I am. I love these messages. I want to hug them and suggest we go somewhere with really good coffee and talk for two hours. They usually come from people who are already being thoughtful about what they actually need, which in my experience is a pretty good start.

Anyway. I’m not for everyone, and I’d rather just tell you that upfront. Here are seven reasons I might not be the coach for you.

I’m not the coach for you if you want someone to tell you to burn it all down and follow your dreams. I live in the real world, same as you. If you’ve got a mortgage and three kids, I will not suggest you quit your job to become a full-time knitter of tiny hats for squirrels. We work with your actual life, your actual constraints, and find what’s genuinely possible.

Which is usually quite a lot, as it turns out.

I’m not the coach for you if you want someone completely polished and professional who keeps things very formal. What you see is what you get. I swear occasionally, I’ll probably make you laugh, and I take the work seriously, not myself. I’m the same person on here, in a session, and at a karaoke bar.

You’ll never wonder which version of me is turning up.

I’m not the coach for you if you’re hoping for affirmations, cord-cutting ceremonies, or someone who’ll reframe your burnout as a spiritual awakening. Your problems are more specific, more human, and more solvable than a blocked sacral chakra. I work with real psychological frameworks that respect both your time and your intelligence.
I’m not the coach for you if you want to sign up for a coaching course called something like “Unlock Your Limitless Self in 6 Weeks”, designed for a thousand people and quietly hoping it fits you too. I work with you, on your actual stuff, in a way that’s built around how you specifically think and operate.

Bespoke is a bit of a wanky word for it, but that’s essentially what it is.

I’m not the coach for you if you don’t care whether your coach is properly trained, supervised, and accountable to someone other than themselves. I’m a Senior Practitioner with the EMCC, and I see my coaching and therapy supervisors regularly, which means my work gets looked at, questioned, and kept honest.

Not every coach does this. It should be standard. It isn’t.

I’m not the coach for you if you want someone who’ll treat every setback as a mindset problem. “Trauma informed” has started to lose its meaning in the coaching world, which is really annoying because it actually matters. Your history lives in your body and your behaviour, not just your memories. The way you freeze, or people please, or go completely blank under pressure, is not a motivation problem. I work with that, carefully, and I won’t ever push you past what you can actually handle, I promise.

I’m not the coach for you if you want someone who’ll keep things comfortable and agree with everything you say. I’ll be honest with you, even when it’s a bit uncomfortable. I’m more interested in what’s real than what’s easy. I’ll say the thing that needs saying, and I’ll say it with care, but I won’t dodge it.