The singer, Kelly Clarkson, once gazed wistfully into the distance, and uttered these profound words of wisdom:

“When I die, I want to die with a cookie in my belly.”

Throw in a few guzzles of booze, and you have a recipe for both a rocking and rolling party, am I right? After all, who wants to die with a belly full of steamed kale gently tossed in the whispered, glittery air of angel breath and topped with cold pressed carrot juice?

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

NO ONE.

A final meal should consist of thick, chocolate cake and warm, caramel bourbon—in that order.

That said, right now, you’re not dead. You’re very much alive. (Don’t believe me? Give those fingers and toes a little wiggle. I’ll wait.)

Simply stated, you have your whole vibrant, explosive, and love-filled life ahead of you. And sometimes? A belly full of steamed kale and a glass of lemon water—minus the gin, you rascal—might actually be the very best thing for you and your future (even though that 4-cheese, fully loaded oven pizza is seductively telling you to come hither from the freezer).

Look, we all know how to feel better in our bodies and stay slightly more sober: Eat less shit, set down the glass of wine, do more exercise, see more sunlight.

It’s simple. It’s science.

SO WHY IS IT SO HARD?! (Because trust me, I know it’s a challenge.)

I’ve developed a 2-month coaching programme via Skype, that’ll help you understand why your wants and your actions haven’t quite lined up yet. I’ll help you understand your relationship with food and drink.

I’m not a weight loss coach—I’m far from it, in fact. I don’t believe we need to be a size 10 to feel good in our bodies. I also can’t promise you’ll start glowing like Gwyneth Paltrow or suddenly have the desire to eat spirulina balls, but I pinky swear not to recommend yet another fucking juice cleanse or an exercise program that will make you cry actual tears from boredom (and squats).

What I help best with is your emotional weight. I help quiet those nagging voices that tell you to eat the biscuit, and not eat the biscuit, and what it says (or doesn’t say) about you if and when you eat that damn biscuit. I help you feel good about feeling good.

The sessions go deep and they’re real, up front and totally no-nonsense. There’s no magic 10 step plan or 30 day detox to follow. This is also not some New Year! New you! load of horseshit. This is long-term work that delivers long lasting results.

We all know the right path to being a content and healthy person is to do all the things we already know we need to do. I’ll help you understand why you’re not doing the things you already know you need to do.

I’ll also introduce you to a new, less crazy way of thinking that’ll help you to stop uncontrollably bouncing—ping pong ball style—between ALL THE KALE & TEA and ALL THE PIZZA & BEER. I’ll help you normalise your relationship with food and booze, and find that easy, natural balance.

Let’s do this. Book yourself in here.  You’ll know if I am the right person to help you because you’ll have a little inkling, a knowing feeling, something you can’t can’t quite put your finger on, that’s nudging you forward.

And hey, if you’re not certain, click here and let’s talk. This session will give you a taste of what coaching is like with me and help us make sure we’re a good fit. (If you’re not actually interested in potentially working with me, and you just fancy a free coaching session, please, please, please don’t book a call, it’s bad juju.)

To feeling good about feeling good.