About Liz Goodchild

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So far Liz Goodchild has created 55 blog entries.

A lion, a tiger and a cage.

“I have built a very comfortable cage for myself.”

A thoughtful client said this to me in our session this morning.

Which reminded me of something that also happened this morning.

My mother-in-law took my kid to this kind of restaurant place that also has an animal park attached to it. I visited it last year, hoping to see the goats and donkeys and ducks that were shown on the website. What I didn’t know was that there was also a lion there. And a tiger. A lion and a tiger, each in tiny, poky cages, in which both these incredible and powerful animals walked the perimeter of, over and over and over and over. I was horrified and appalled.

I text my mother-in-law this morning, asking if she knew about the lion and the tiger. I told her that they both looked really unhappy and that I think having them there in the animal park is cruel and unnecessary. I also told her that once my kid is old enough to understand, I will explain to him that I think it’s cruel and unnecessary, (and ask him what he thinks.) My mother-in-law replied with: “Yes, they are unhappy. But they don’t know they’re unhappy.”

I disagree. Their behaviour shows otherwise. The way the tiger and lion pace round and round their cages is not natural. The way they hang their heads. Their hollow, empty eyes say it all. I am convinced that on some level, they ‘know’ they are unhappy, but maybe they don’t know why, because this life, their cage, is all they know.

It’s the same with us humans, right? Most of the time, we know something’s not right, something’s off in our lives, but we don’t know why, because this life, our cage—the safe cage we have created for ourselves—is all we know too.

By | 2017-04-20T13:37:17+00:00 20 April 2017|

Is this the most stupid advice ever?

“Live each day as if it’s your last.”

It’s really fucking stupid advice if you ask me.

Want to know what I’d do if I knew today was my last day on earth?

I’d hug my kid. I’d declare my undying love for my partner. I’d call my friends and tell them how much they mean to me. I’d spend time with my family and look into their eyes and we’d warmly recount old stories while flicking through photo albums and letting go of all of our past pain.

Actually, I wouldn’t do any of that. I’d probably do a shit load of drugs or something. I’d get so off my face I wouldn’t even remember it was my last day alive on earth and I’d go out smiling and doing the peace sign as I slip slowly into a state of total tranquility, like I am being simultaneously cradled gently by The Universe and massaged by the tiny hooves of awesome rainbow unicorns.

On a daily basis, and while I am still fully alive (hopefully for many, many more years), this is no way at all to live life is it?

I mean, seriously, if I lived each day doing shit loads of drugs? No, just no.

I was talking about ‘living each day as if it’s your last’ with a client a few weeks ago. During our discussion, she mistakenly said “living your life as if it’s your last’ which I actually prefer.

“Live your life as if it’s your last.”

Sounds much better, right?

Because this life of yours that you’re living right now? IS your last*.

You won’t get another. It’s a fact.

Here’s another fact: You will spend most of your life pissing time right up the wall like time will never end. You, (and when I say ‘you’, I also mean ‘me’), will waste hours, days, months and years doing shit you don’t want to be doing. You will also spend hours, days, months and years not doing the shit you actually want to be doing. Tick tock. This is your life. Just the one. You won’t get another. Every moment of time you waste is a moment you will never get back.

Over and out.

 

 

*Unless you’re into past lives and ghosts and stuff. Which is awesome. Email me. You’re my kind of person for sure.

p.s: In the next few days, I’ll be opening up coaching slots for May. If you don’t know why you’re spinning your wheels at work, rolling your eyes at the whole wide world, or wanting to bang your head against the nearest wall—I can help you. (There’s a lot of big-hearted, no-nonsense guidance included. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) Book yourself in for a free introductory call here via Skype. (This session will give you a taste of what coaching is like with me and help us make sure we’re a good fit.

By | 2017-04-11T12:32:40+00:00 11 April 2017|

I am totally shitting myself.

“I am regularly asked to speak at exciting conferences and events.”

I wrote that in my journal a year or so ago.

I regularly write down what I want from my life. I think it was Oprah Winfrey who said “‘Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe” and although that quote makes me roll my eyes because it sounds so cliche and loaded with double self-development cheese, she has a point.

Some people call it “manifesting”.

Some people call it a “positive visualisation practice”.

Some people call it “asking The Universe”.

I call it “getting clear on what I want from my life and making it happen by doing the work”.

This post is not about doing the work though. I’ve written about that here, here and here.

This post is about me telling you how I am absolutely shitting myself right now, because yesterday, I received a message from a man I really admire. He’s organising an event in September. His message went like this:

Him: “Hey Liz, might you be interested in speaking at {exciting conference name} in September?”

Me, all easy-breezy: “Oh wow! Yes, absolutely!”

Him: “Perfect. We’re designing it this week so I’ll drop you a line. You’ll be a keynote speaker.”

Me, still all easy-breezy: “Thank you so much, you’re on!”

If I could bottle what happened over the next 5 minutes, I’d be fucking rich. I felt alive and energised and excited and incredible and ALL THE AMAZING FEELINGS AND BUTTERFLIES EVER! A KEY-NOTE! I’VE BEEN DREAMING OF A SPEAKING OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS! I jumped up from my computer and danced around my office, silently squealing and not so silently playing air-guitar and punching the air.

And then, 5 minutes later, I started to feel scared.

The Fear crept up slowly; the thousands of tiny butterflies in my belly started to flap their delicate, exciting wings a little less and instead, they began to tie themselves up in awkward knots, moving together uncomfortably in a tight, foreboding mass before moving up into my chest, hammering away at my heart with what felt like wooden mallets, der-dum, der-dum, der-dum, der-dum.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” and “I cannot do this” reverberated through my brain and I started to construct a disappointed but sing-song jolly “unfortunately something’s come up and I won’t be able to speak at your conference after all!” email in my head.

I made myself a cup of tea. I paced around my kitchen. I opened my laptop and Googled the conference and found videos of past speakers on YouTube. Fuck! They film the fucking conference! Oh God, this is getting worse. People will be able to watch my talk after the conference because it’ll forever be there on Youtube for anyone to see and worse, they’ll think I’m shit and leave a comment saying that and I won’t be able to do anything about it!

I paced some more, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the wall. Brow furrowed. Fists clenched. Wild-eyed. Worried.

I walked closer to the mirror and studied my face up close, staring into my own eyes.

I smiled. Not a big smile but a smile that was enough for me to recognise and feel a slight softening wash of comfort and familiarity.

“Hello, scared you.”

I’ve been here so, so, so many times before. I say yes to something I really want (which is generally something that challenges me and shoves me waaaaaay out of my comfort zone) and then I get scared.

And so, so, so many times, I have pulled the handbrake in that moment. I’ve quit. I’ve declined. I’ve sent the disappointed but sing-song jolly “unfortunately something’s come up and I won’t be able to!” email because it felt safe and reassuring and the right thing to do in the moment.

This reaction is normal. It’s human. Our brains are wired to keep us safe and yet I know that when I live ‘safe’, I feel bored and unfulfilled and like something is off in my life that I just can’t put my finger on. It’s easy to sit on the sofa and sleep walk through life, right? And yet it’s much harder to get off the sofa and get out there and grab YOUR life with both hands and put some fucking effort in.

And I choose to put some fucking effort in, even though 50% of it comes with knuckle-white fear and some puzzled head-scratching and WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF, LIZ?

My reply is always this: Because I want it more than I fear it.

Because I know that the human experience is to find space for the aliveness and energy and excitement and ALL THE AMAZING FEELINGS EVER that rise from saying yes as well as the worry and the wanting to say no and the fear and the “Fuck, fuck, fuck” and the “I cannot do this”.

I can do this.

I can stand up on that stage in September and speak.

And so can you. Whatever’s going on for you right now in your life, whatever you’re thinking you can’t do because you’re scared? Know this: You can.

We’re in this together. Let’s do this.

By | 2017-04-05T09:54:25+00:00 5 April 2017|

I did something I am not proud of.

I used to keep a folder on my laptop desktop. It was full of free e-books and pdf-guides I’d downloaded from websites. The e-books and pdfs were called things like “How to grow your business in 7 easy steps!” and “Your free guide to an overnight six-figure income from working 2 hours a day on a beach in Bali!”

I deleted that desktop folder.

I realised I would never read any of it.

Some of the free stuff you get from websites is not always that great, which is why it’s important to me that when I do have something for free on my website for people to listen to/read, I do my best to make sure it’s well worth their while.

Businesses—whether huge empires or small start-ups—want to talk to people. And one of the best ways to do that is through email. After all, nearly everyone has their head in their computer or phone, right? And so they give away free resources and whatnot in exchange for your email address. They email you essentially, to talk directly to the people who are interested in what they have to say or what they offer. That in itself is not a terrible thing.

What is terrible—at least in my book—is when businesses then begin to bombard you left, right and centre, with emails telling you how you must work with them or how you must buy their product or how you need to follow their advice, because otherwise…..your life will drastically implode or worse.

I do not like this.

I actually don’t like being directly sold to eat all, especially in such a sales-y way. It really pisses me off. If I want to buy something, whether it’s a pair of shoes in a shop, a new line of vegan sausages or some kind of business guidance, I don’t need to receive eleventy billion emails telling me why I should.

I write my weekly emails because I like writing. I always have, even since being a kid, and people seem to like what I write. It’s a great exchange that feels good on both sides. I sometimes let people know that I have coaching spaces available, or a group course coming up, but other than that, I just simply write about life and being human and figuring things out – with honest examples from my own life and the things I learn along the way.

Which is why I’ve surprised myself recently.

Because I’ve been giving away a cool little mp3 on my website in exchange for people’s email addresses. And then I’ve been emailing them every few days. Nothing too sales-y, actually—I kept a shred of decency—but definitely with the intention of selling what I do.

It didn’t feel good. At all. It didn’t feel like me. It felt cringey and awkward and the opposite of what I value in people and companies.

I’d been sucked in. To the business coaching world of something called “email marketing funnels”. I started to believe the growth of my business depended on this kind of marketing. I’d read somewhere that it is the only way to do business. And yet I know there’s never just one way of doing anything, in business and in life.

And email marketing funnels? This kind of thing is SO not me. In fact, when I was drafting the emails in a Word document, I actually saved it as ‘marketing Notfunnel’ which pretty much said it all. I should have known right there to delete that document and forget about the emails. But I didn’t. I pressed on and pressed ‘GO’ and the emails started firing away to the people who signed up for the free mp3.

Until now. The automated emails have gone.

I woke up this morning and thought, “What the fuck is going on, Goodchild? Who are you?” and promptly deleted them all.

The brilliant people who I am grateful to write to each week—as well as the brilliant people I am grateful to coach each day, are bright and intelligent and wise human beings.

They don’t need to be sold to.

They don’t need their inbox to be clogged up with wanky emails full of weird sales shit.

I’d lost myself for a week or so there. I’d chosen to value the growth of my business more than what I actually value, which is integrity and being real and kind and honest and up-front and human.

I’ve always, always, always believed in treating people the way I want to be treated and I stand by that, and yet for a hot-minute, I didn’t.

And so here I am with my integrity back intact, being real and kind and honest and up-front and human (and with the biggest vulnerability hangover from even sharing this).

I made a mistake.

I wandered off the path for a week or so.

I took my eyes off my own page and started looking at what everyone else was doing.

But I’m back.

It’s business as usual again, which actually, doesn’t feel like business at all.

It’s just me: writing. And the people I email: just reading.

A simple, lovely exchange.

And jeeez, that feels good.

Lesson learned: If it deep down doesn’t feel like me, then don’t do it.

By | 2017-03-21T20:46:20+00:00 21 March 2017|

You can totally do this.

You have an idea.

A dream.

A goal.

And when you think about it, you feel a heady connection of excitement and nerves and “Oh! Wouldn’t it be brilliant if!” and joy! All the joy! All the butterflies! All the woohoos! All the running around your house whooping like a deranged monkey in just your pants! All the waheys! All the glee! All the enthusiasm! All the exhilaration!

And then you talk yourself out of it. Ugh.

You pull the handbrake.

You get scared.

You start making excuses.

You hesitate.

You think you can’t do it.

You believe there’s no way it’s actually going to be possible…..

Well.

I’m writing this today to tell you that you can do it.

Your idea/dream/goal is possible.

It can happen.

Know why? Because I’m surrounded by people who also had an idea, a dream, a goal.

That they made happen.

Like my friend Kate, who, despite having a really rough time of it recently, created and launched a brand spanking new copywriting course for small businesses.

Or Carly, who combined two dreams together. The first to renovate a house and the second to live in the sun. When her marriage broke down and they sold their marital home, she used her share of the equity plus some additional savings and bought some land with a house, terraces and the most amazing views, in Catalonia. And just look at the house and the terraces and the views! Oh my!

Or my client, ‘K’ who has always dreamt of owning a camper van due to her love of tiny spaces, and her realisation—as she approached a ‘special’ age—that what really makes a life fully lived is experiences and not things. And so…… she bought herself a camper van. She’s now busily planning a trip to Skye at Easter to see the fairy pools and amazing mountains. 

Or my other friend Laura, who gradually quit her job as an editor, retrained in something completely different and is now the proud (and awesome) owner of her own running coaching business.

And then there’s my partner, Kristin, who designs websites in-between helping me run around after our awesome son. The first website she designed was mine, five years ago (there have been many iterations since). Starting out, she had no knowledge of HTML or code or any other fancy-schmancy website-creating skills and yet she had bags of enthusiasm, a willingness to learn and an acceptance that she would make mistakes. Despite having zero social media presence or doing little marketing, she has a waiting list as long as my arm. 

Or how about my former client, ‘L’ who, despite not fully believing in her brilliant talent and creativity, recently applied for an MA in children’s book illustration at Anglia Ruskin University. And was accepted.

Rachel, Kiera and Paula, 3 incredibly kind and thoughtful people in my private Facebook group all ran races, despite at one point believing that running that kind of distance was an absolute impossibility.

My big-hearted friend Josie, who has just been cast in a really interesting play. A play that began as a simple idea between a group of friends who wanted to use their different nationalities as a way to open doors and start conversations between other people who might have preconceptions about that culture.

My client, ‘C’ who, during a visualisation exercise at my workshop in Manchester last year, saw a scene from her future life in such full colour and animation, that she could even describe the smallest details. Fast forward 6 months, and through a small stroke of chance and a huge dose of taking action, she applied for, and landed, an amazing role at a wellness retreat. A wellness retreat that has a website with a photo on the homepage that is the exact same scene she saw in her future life vision at my workshop, just months before. Spooky.

Then there’s my friend Nicole, who, tired of listening to podcasts talking about the same old stuff, decided to start her own. Real Talk Radio has had over 950,000 downloads and she’s interviewed all kinds of people who dive into the truth of what’s really going on in their lives. One of those people was me. While we’re on Nicole, last year she also walked 460 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail. Despite having an all-out fear of sleeping in the wild, hiking alone, pooing in the woods and being eaten by bears.

Or how about my friend Emma and her husband, Chris, who decided enough was enough with their busy London lives and careers, and so packed everything up, put their belongings in storage and took a year off to visit Florence, Venice, Rome, Goa, Bali, Paris, Skiathos, Santorini, Nice, Tuscany, Scotland, London, Sienna, Menton, Antibes, Portofino and Monaco! While travelling, Chris painted and Emma taught and practised yoga. You can check out Chris’s beautiful and awe-inspiring art here and more about Emma and her thoughtful musings about life and yoga here.

My client, James, passionate about running and concerned about the stigma around male mental health, was recently accepted by UK Athletics as a Mental Health Ambassador. As well as promoting the benefits of running for emotional health, James also hopes to provide a totally safe and judgement free environment where men can exercise and talk (if they wish) and be supported.

And then there’s J.K Rowling, of course—someone I do not know in person (but I would like to)—who in her own words, “Was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless”—and yet took a chance on 3 chapters of a book she’d written about a boy called Harry Potter, sending them to numerous publishers. For a meagre $4,000, Bloomsbury eventually bought the rights to Harry Potter. And the rest, is well, history. Harry Potter went on to become the most successful book and movie series of all time.

Still think your idea, dream or goal is impossible?

Think again.

 

p.s. If you’ve got all the ideas and intentions in the world, and yet when it comes down to it, you just can’t get out of your own way to get started, this is for you. Part of my upcoming course will teach you how to break down your big idea into small, daily actionable steps that will actually get you to your goal easily and faster (and minus the overwhelm). I’ll also teach you some simple, easy habit tools—that effortlessly slot into your life—that will keep you moving with momentum. Book your space here.

By | 2017-03-07T16:39:07+00:00 7 March 2017|

Pick.

I was talking to one of my awesome clients the other day. He’s unhappy in his marriage. He’s considering leaving.

He’s in a lot of pain right now. He is suffering. He says things to me like, “If I do leave, I don’t want to hurt her, Liz. I feel like the worst human being in the world.”

I tell him that I don’t think he is the worse person in the world, far from it, but that I also understand why he feels that way. And I agree with him, that it’s very possible that there will be hurt. A lot of it—his actions and decisions will create pain. For her. And also for him. Maybe even other people. But that the huge responsibility weighing on his shoulders for the pain he may cause will be her pain—something that only she can take responsibiity for—because it belongs to her and his pain will belong to him.

He considers staying. To ease the pain. To not be the guy who left his wife, his marriage—there’s a lot of shame there. We go back and forth a lot in our sessions. I give him the time and space he needs to work through it all.

And yet I also remind him that there comes a time when we may have to pick our pain.

The pain of staying in a love-less marriage and pretending everything is a-ok….when it’s not. Or the pain of leaving—which will bring with it massive uncertainty and loss.

Right now, he cannot pick his pain. Both seem too heavy, too visceral, too unthinkable, too destructive.

And that’s ok. It is not my role to push him or orchestrate decisions on his behalf. It’s my role to sit with him—and his deep, deep pain—and ask the questions that will help him find his own answers.

Pain is part of life. I wish it wasn’t. But it is. I have experinced extreme pain and trauma in my life. Not just once. But many times over. And each time, I think, “This will be the last time. I’ve had my fair share now, right?” But of course, life doesn’t work like that.

There will always be emotional pain: in every decision, in every choice, in every experience.

And it’s our pain to pick. Whether it’s the life-changing, soul-shifting, big, deep pain that comes with death and divorce and redundancies and disasters. Or the quick, sharp, OW! pain that comes with daily life.

I choose the pain of exercising daily over the pain of not working out and feeling tired and mopey for the rest of the day.

I choose the pain of learning German—even though honestly? I don’t really enjoy it—over the pain of not being able to keep up with my incredible bilingual kid.

I once chose the pain of 70-hour weeks for years while I trained as a coach, worked full-time and started my own business from the ground up, over the pain of staying in the corporate world and spending the rest of my life counting down the years, months and days to my retirement.

I chose the pain of running ultra-marathons and other equally challenging stuff over the pain of sitting on my sofa and giving in to the belief that I cannot do hard things.

I choose the pain of being coached by these two brilliant women—who regularly challenge and encourage me to up my game (and call me out on my shit)—over the pain of numbing out and living my life at 50%.

I choose the pain of getting out of my own way and really living my life—with all the hard stuff and the discomfort and the shit mixed in with all the joy and fulfilment and fun—over switching off and sleep-walking on a treadmill that slowly and half-heartedly transports me through my days on this wild and wonderful planet.

How about you? Which pain are you picking?

Over and out.

Liz xo

p.s: The thoughtful, welcoming and hands-down brilliant people in my private Facebook group (which is my most favourite place on the Internet right now) are starting a 30-day challenge from today. 30 days of…..meditation, healthier eating, exercise, learning something new, de-cluttering, letting go….. Do you want to join in too? Head on over here, let’s do this!

p.p.s: I’ve got three client spaces available for one-to-one coaching in March. If you don’t know why you’re spinning your wheels at work, rolling your eyes at the whole wide world, or wanting to bang your head against the nearest wall—I can help you. (There’s a lot of big-hearted, no-nonsense guidance included. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) Book yourself in for a free introductory call here via SkypeThis session will give you a taste of what coaching is like with me and help us make sure we’re a good fit. Here, we can also discuss which coaching package and payment plan is best for you.

p.p.s: If you’re not actually interested in potentially working with me, and you just fancy a free coaching session, please, please, please don’t book a call with me, it’s bad juju and makes me stabby.

By | 2017-03-01T09:43:56+00:00 1 March 2017|

You have permission to fuck up.

5 years ago, when I was training as a coach, part of the very drawn out accreditation process involved submitting taped recordings of ‘practice’ client sessions for assessment.

I failed the assessment.

I was nervous, bumbly and new to coaching and the recorded sessions highlighted that. I didn’t think through the questions I asked and I raced through the session, desperate to get it over so I could stop the recording. I’ve never been one for performing under pressure, although, weirdly, I love public speaking. Also: during the recordings, one practice client—very sweetly but not all that helpfully—kept interrupting our session by saying things like, “You are such an amazing coach, Liz!”  and “You’ve helped me soooooooo much!” and then he’d wink at me and give me the thumbs up, and I would silently mouth back to him that he didn’t need to say that and to just carry on as normal and then he would silently mouth back, “What?” and wave me away with his hands in a “Listen, I got this, I’m helping you!” kind of way and would give me the thumbs up again and by this point, my hands were really sweating and I’d forgotten what I’d even asked him and really? The whole session and recording was a fucking shit show.

I remember the email that came through from the accreditation guy:

“Great in parts, Liz. But it’s a no. We need you to submit another recording.”

Bollocks.

Stab in the chest moment. I am not good enough moment.

This is life.

We mess stuff up.
We don’t pass the test.
We say stupid shit we don’t mean….that we later regret.
We don’t get the job.
We miss the payment.
We forget our lines.
We drop the ball.

We are human. We will fail.

And yet despite this: I don’t ever want to fail at anything, do you? I don’t ever want to look stupid or have people say, “I told you so.” I don’t ever want something to not work out. I don’t ever want to have to admit that I was wrong. I don’t ever want to be scared.

I want everything I do in life to unfold perfectly, just the way I imagined. I wanted to submit the perfect recording for my assessment and it to be the most perfect recorded session ever and to breeze through the accreditation process and be the perfect A* trainee coach. Ha!

Life’s not like that though.

I fail at something most days. I mess up, I make mistakes, I mis-judge. I flip at my partner over a situation I completely read the wrong way. I spend hours and hours writing an article, absolutely certain it’ll be a hit, and….it isn’t. I sit down to meditate, and 3 minutes in, my mind is racing and I fidget constantly and can’t wait for my 10 minutes to be up. I go all out in the swimming pool, my lungs bursting, my arms burning, and yet I don’t swim the 400 metres in the time I set myself.  I go for dinner with my German-speaking friends and spend minutes composing a grammatically-correct reply in my head, only to open my mouth and realise the conversation has moved on. I send an email pitching an exciting idea or collaboration or coaching project, and I receive a “Thanks, but no thanks.” Or worse, I hear nothing.

I don’t like failing. And yet I know I always will in some way or another. I can’t escape it, because I choose to live my life in a way that leaves me wide open to failure. I refuse to sit on the sidelines of my life, not saying or doing or going for things simply because I don’t want to fuck up.

I spend a lot of time listening and talking to people about their lives, and one thing I hear over and over again is that they’re scared of failing….except they don’t quite come right out and say that they are scared of failing. Instead, they tell me about how stuck they are in their lives and how near-impossible it is for them to change and do things. I hear their very-convincing excuses and reasons and stories about how they’ve tried before, how they can’t do XYZ because the kids are still so little, or they don’t have the money or the confidence or the time or the motivation or the fitness or the talent or the discipline or the skills. And yet…..all I hear is their fear.

Their fear of failing. Of fucking up.

We want everything to be easy in life, don’t we? We want everyone to like us. We want to feel comfortable. We want everything we turn our hand to to be a guaranteed success. We don’t want to have to really try at things. We don’t want to rock the boat or feel unsafe. We are addicted to comfort and absolute certainty and yet there is ZERO certainty.

We choose to tiptoe around our lives like new-parents stealthily creeping around their sleeping newborn, shhhh don’t wake the failure.

I want to live in a world where people do fail. Where people are a-ok with failing.

Why? Because staying stuck and not doing the things you want to, is far, far fucking worse than failing will ever be.

If you’re not failing at things, you’re probably not fully living. Maybe you’re just skirting around the edges of your life and dipping your toe in now and then.

This is a rally call to be ok with failing!

Let’s invite failure in for the ride.

Let’s give ourselves permission to fuck things up.

Are you with me?

By | 2017-02-18T12:03:04+00:00 18 February 2017|

How to stop eating and drinking so much shit.

The singer, Kelly Clarkson, once gazed wistfully into the distance, and uttered these profound words of wisdom:

“When I die, I want to die with a cookie in my belly.”

Throw in a few guzzles of booze, and you have a recipe for both a rocking and rolling party, am I right? After all, who wants to die with a belly full of steamed kale gently tossed in the whispered, glittery air of angel breath and topped with cold pressed carrot juice?

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

NO ONE.

A final meal should consist of thick, chocolate cake and warm, caramel bourbon—in that order.

That said, right now, you’re not dead. You’re very much alive. (Don’t believe me? Give those fingers and toes a little wiggle. I’ll wait.)

Simply stated, you have your whole vibrant, explosive, and love-filled life ahead of you. And sometimes? A belly full of steamed kale and a glass of lemon water—minus the gin, you rascal—might actually be the very best thing for you and your future (even though that 4-cheese, fully loaded oven pizza is seductively telling you to come hither from the freezer).

Look, we all know how to feel better in our bodies and stay slightly more sober: Eat less shit, set down the glass of wine, do more exercise, see more sunlight.

It’s simple. It’s science.

SO WHY IS IT SO HARD?! (Because trust me, I know it’s a challenge.)

I’ve developed a 2-month coaching programme via Skype, that’ll help you understand why your wants and your actions haven’t quite lined up yet. I’ll help you understand your relationship with food and drink.

I’m not a weight loss coach—I’m far from it, in fact. I don’t believe we need to be a size 10 to feel good in our bodies. I also can’t promise you’ll start glowing like Gwyneth Paltrow or suddenly have the desire to eat spirulina balls, but I pinky swear not to recommend yet another fucking juice cleanse or an exercise program that will make you cry actual tears from boredom (and squats).

What I help best with is your emotional weight. I help quiet those nagging voices that tell you to eat the biscuit, and not eat the biscuit, and what it says (or doesn’t say) about you if and when you eat that damn biscuit. I help you feel good about feeling good.

The sessions go deep and they’re real, up front and totally no-nonsense. There’s no magic 10 step plan or 30 day detox to follow. This is also not some New Year! New you! load of horseshit. This is long-term work that delivers long lasting results.

We all know the right path to being a content and healthy person is to do all the things we already know we need to do. I’ll help you understand why you’re not doing the things you already know you need to do.

I’ll also introduce you to a new, less crazy way of thinking that’ll help you to stop uncontrollably bouncing—ping pong ball style—between ALL THE KALE & TEA and ALL THE PIZZA & BEER. I’ll help you normalise your relationship with food and booze, and find that easy, natural balance.

Let’s do this. Book yourself in here.  You’ll know if I am the right person to help you because you’ll have a little inkling, a knowing feeling, something you can’t can’t quite put your finger on, that’s nudging you forward.

And hey, if you’re not certain, click here and let’s talk. This session will give you a taste of what coaching is like with me and help us make sure we’re a good fit. (If you’re not actually interested in potentially working with me, and you just fancy a free coaching session, please, please, please don’t book a call, it’s bad juju.)

To feeling good about feeling good.

 

 

By | 2017-02-01T19:28:21+00:00 1 February 2017|

I am dying. You are too, by the way.

I spent last weekend training in existential coaching—learning more about how to help answer the profound and often confusing questions so many of us have about life: Why am I here? What does it all mean? Life is so short, what’s the point in striving? How can I live a more fulfilling, purposeful life? What should I have for dinner? Big stuff, you know.
 
The truth is, most people don’t want to find or know the answers. Most people would rather drown it all out with TV and scrolling through shit on social media and conversations about the weather and what Kim Kardashian wore or didn’t wear and moaning about what everyone else is doing and how the world is a bad place, all from the comfort of their sofa. And then they wonder why their lives feel kind of empty and boring, or why they’re drinking at least a half bottle of wine every night or stuffing their face with food they intelligently know is bad for their body or why they keep on turning up each day to a job that provides them with nothing much, other than a wad of money to buy, buy, buy things they don’t even need.

They do all of these things, of course, to feel full and content—a momentary reprieve from the awareness, deep deep down, that they’re not really fully living. That they’re bumbling along, going through the motions of life; you know, with the career and the mortgage and the marriage and the holidays somewhere hot and sunny twice a year, and yet really, they’re kind of trapped on a treadmill that they’re too scared to get off. Scared, because they don’t know what will happen or what’s out there beyond the same 4 walls and routine of their life as they know it.

And we all do it, to some extent.
 
We’ve become a culture of humans who cannot switch off—conditioned to keep on going, keep on doing, more, more, more, check your phone every 5 minutes, talk, talk, talk, do, do, do, work, work, work—and if you’re not working—THEN DO SOMETHING ELSE BUT STAY BUSY, FOR FUCKS SAKE.
 
It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
 
On the course this weekend, we discussed what it actually means when someone replies, “I’m good” to our “How are you?” What is ‘good?’ What does “good” even mean? Why do we feel uncomfortable telling the truth? I mean, it’s hardly a conversation starter, is it?
 
“What have you been up to recently?”

“Oh, you know, just questioning my entire existence and pondering how I’m actually contributing to the world in a meaningful way. You?”

“……….”

 
And yet these questions about our existence and contribution and meaning are normal. And human. We all have them. To live a full, content life in all its complicated, twisted, beautiful, often cruel and joyful wildness, is to ask the questions you’re probably always avoiding asking. Questions that make you think; about what you actually want—and need—from your life on a deeper level than needing things. Questions about why you do the things that you do and what you stand for and how you’d like to be remembered.

One of my very, very first clients died recently. She must have been in her fifties. We kept in touch sporadically for years after we stopped working together. Sometimes I’d see her in the street when I was still living in London and we’d have a quick catch up about our lives and what we’d been up to. I hadn’t heard from her in a while when she emailed me about something I had written. It was this article. She wrote, “Some great ideas re the 10 minutes. I wanted to write a history of my life in case it’s needed for my funeral—sorry I hope that does not shock you—but I have accepted that my cancer is not curable and that I may have six months or I may have 5 years, it’s all a lottery at the moment.” I wrote back to her and told her that I wasn’t so much shocked as incredibly sad, and that I’d cried and cried and cried as I read her email. I remember exactly where I was stood in my kitchen, phone in hand, looking at the screen reading her words and crying, remembering the times we had sat in her living room; me a nervous young-buck coach hoping I didn’t screw up, her trying to figure out some big things in life, and now….she was dying.

I wanted to ask her what it’s like to know that you’re dying, to be so stoically planning your own funeral, to be intentionally and very consciously writing a story about your life that will be read out one day by someone to an audience of people who loved and cared for you. But I was too afraid to ask. It felt too prying, too impolite, too brash. I wish I had now. She was the kind of person who would have answered truthfully and beautifully and yet I also know that had I asked her, she would have told me what I think I already know. That knowing you’re dying is viscerally awful and terrifying and tragic and and yet it’s also beautiful and raw and kind of weirdly calming and liberating.

The reason I think I already know this is because I am dying. You are too. 

“It’s all a lottery at the moment.” It is. Whether it’s six months or five years or 50 years or just 1 day, we’re all dying. It’s a fact. It’s something we can be absolutely 100% certain about. And yet it’s this absolute certainty that brings with it such massive, crippling uncertainty, because we don’t know how long we’ve got left. And for the most of us, it’s this uncertainty about something so certain that leads us to shove our head in the sand, or the feed of our Facebook, or hours and hours of Netflix boxsets or the end of a bottle of wine. We’re tuned out. And it’s nice in a way, isn’t it? It’s comforting. Because when we’re more interested in the drama-rama of Eastenders or judging the neighbour’s weird curtains or endlessly worrying about shit that’s not even worth worrying about, we don’t have to pay any attention to what’s really going on inside. We don’t have to listen to that aching feeling in our gut that we want to do something more with our life—and the clock is ticking and ticking and ticking—but we just keep going around and around, not sure what to do or where to start.

I’m not afraid of dying. Well, that’s not totally true. I am a bit scared. But mostly I’m not. Because I know I’m living a well-lived life. I am extremely content and fulfilled. I know I’m contributing. I know I’m making a difference in the tiniest of ways but making a difference all the same, no matter how cheesy and cliche it sounds. I mostly make choices that value my emotional and physical health over stupid shit I want in the moment. I make changes and challenge myself even when I’m scared, because it’s good for me, it’s how I evolve and grow. I make an effort to stay conscious. To stay awake in a world that’s constantly screaming at me to nod off and numb out, to over-consume, to cure my not enough-mess by buying their miracle product that’ll make my life shiny and oh-so ok on the outside and perfect.

Fuck perfect. Perfect lives are for scared people. People who are terrified of being judged and seen as anything other than a-ok.

No-one is a-ok. Life doesn’t work like that, you know? It’s hard and challenging and full-on and overwhelming and brilliant and free and wonderful, all at the same time.
 
A line from my all-time favourite piece of poetry, ‘The Summer Day’ by Mary Oliver goes like this, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
 
The truth for most people? They can’t answer that question. They don’t know. So they just watch cat videos on YouTube instead. 

It’s a massive fucking shame.

Over and out,

Liz xo

 
p.s. If you read this and thought it was all a bit too full-on, I totally understand. Here’s a cat video to watchYou’re welcome.
 
p.s.2 If you read this and thought “Heck yes! I do want to do more with my one wild and precious life, but how?” I’ve got a 6-week group coaching course coming up soon, and I guarantee that it’ll help you figure this out. Expect to have light bulb moments, left, right and centre. Expect to get closer to knowing what’s truly possible in your life. (I’ll give you a clue: There’s A LOT that’s possible). Want in? Head over here and book your place.

Don’t um and ahhhh, and do that “Oh, I’ll wait and see” thing you always do.

That shit is tiring.

Just say YES. To the group coaching course.

And to your life.

By | 2017-01-31T17:42:44+00:00 31 January 2017|